I haven't written this post for several reasons...I didn't know quite what to say. I was afraid of sharing too much or too little. I was afraid of my thoughts being on the world wide web for anyone and everyone to see. I cared too much what people thought of me. I didn't know how to tell our story without writing a novel.
But I want to try. We halted our adoption when we found out we were pregnant with our second back in 2011. Fast forward to today and we have a beautiful 3 and 5 year old and started our adoption journey again 14 months ago. We have been waiting 14 months to adopt a baby. That's hard to say and it's been very hard to walk through. When we started the process again in December 2013 we were a bit naive. We are open to the race of our baby, gender, different medical conditions and thought we might have a quick match. But that is not what God had planned for us.
God has grown and challenged our faith in significant ways as we wait to bring our third child home. 2014 was a big year of waiting in anticipation, waiting for God to move and wondering if he had forgotten. There have been moments I have been very overwhelmed with God's goodness in all of this and moments I've been overwhelmed with fear and confusion.
We are adopting domestically and are waiting to be matched with a birth mom right now. Our profile book has been shown several times to moms, but we have never been chosen. I'm not even sure how many times we've exactly been shown, but I know it's much more that I would like. We are very used to the phrase, "She chose another family" right now. It has happened so much, I began to ask, "What's wrong with us?" And then God gently reminds me through a friend or his Word that he is working. That I need to trust him. That he has a plan for our little family and he has used the past 14 months to grow our faith in ways we couldn't imagine.
As our family walks through this we have again and again been given the verses in Isaiah 26 "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock."
Pray our hearts would trust Jesus and his timing. Pray we would find our hope in him alone, and not in adding another child to our family. Pray he would provide emotionally, physically and financially as we walk through this for HE IS TRUSTWORHTY.